Today's list comes to us from AskMen.com and is "Things She Wants You to Notice"
10. Her Shoes
Sorry ladies, it's just not happening. I will take note that you are wearing heels, but that's about as far as I go. I can't even tell if a tie looks good with my shirt, so I have no idea if the shoes you are wearing look cute with that outfit or you look like a complete fool. And if you are wearing shoes you love while wearing pants....I can't see them, I'm not responsible to care. Add on that I am well aware you women only wear shoes to impress/best your female friends anyways...you get no sympathy from me.
9. That she's funny
This one is pretty straightforward. The odds are extremely skewed towards you not being funny. This isn't me being a misogynistic ass, it's me expressing my anecdotal evidence. I have met very few women who I truly find funny. That's ok though ladies. In those lists of things people consider important in the opposite sex, women put sense of humor at the top. Guys have it somewhere down between to the ability to whittle and macaroni art skills.
8. That she smells different
This one is pretty unlikely too. Most of you ladies keep a solid rotation of a couple different scents for different occasions. We can't be expected to notice if a 4th perfume slips in there. If you walk in smelling like bacon, then I will immediately become aware and compliment you on it.
7. That she cleaned up
No. No no no no no. No one should expect credit for what is considered standard practice. If you are a perpetual slob, I will say "Hey thanks for getting your shit together you disgusting bitch," and you should take that as a great compliment. If you alerady run a clean unit, and you busted your ass to make it shining shimmering splendid, then I will make note and say that it looks great.
6. That she's been working out
This seems so simple, but it's a trap. Trust me. If you tell a woman you can tell she's been working out, you are admitting that at some point it looked like she could stand to hit the gym. Unless she has explicitly told you of some goal, avoid any mention of the gym. Just stick to generics, like telling her she looks sexy, amazing, beautiful, and whatnot. Any reference to being able to tell she's been spending time on the elliptical leads to nothing but disaster.
5. That she got waxed
Now we're talking. This is something that you most certainly want to take notice of. If not, you are bound to have her give up on the effort. I've never gotten waxed, but I imagine that it sucks. She's doing it for you and you don't want fuck that up. It's an awkward thing to compliment somebody on, but man up and do it. If not, she may start getting some bad ideas...
4. That she got dolled up
Easy enough. If she clearly made a point of getting extra done up, you should probably realize that. A quick way to tell is to picture the moment you woke up and looked at her. Does she look significantly better? Well, then say something. If she's wearing jewelry when she doesn't normally, or is wearing a dress when she wouldn't typically get caught in anything but jeans, you should probably throw some sort of compliment out there. Otherwise get ready for her to leave her face au naturale for awhile, and nobody wants to see that.
3. That she's prepared an occasion
This one is in reference to creating a special atmosphere, candles etc. I suppose we appreciate this kind of shit. Not nearly as much as you ladies, but a little something special is nice every now and then. OK to be honest, no we actually don't care about this at all. Creating a special atmosphere is something guys do because they think women love it. We really have no interest in you preparing a lovely candle-lit dinner. Now if you want to throw together a candle lit sexy-time bath, then we'd be in business.
2. That she has a new hairstyle
Sorry, but this one probably isn't happening unless you've made a major change. To guys, women have six hairstyles. Long, medium, short, straight, curly, wavy. Unless you've changed one of those, it won't be noticed. Oh, I suppose we will notice if you dye it....maybe. It's not our fault, we just can't tell. If you take 2 inches off, it still looks the same. To you that seems like 10 yards, to us it means nothing. It's OK ladies, your hair looks great even though we are completely clueless that it's different.
1. That she's wearing new lingerie
Tread carefully my friend. This is the jackpot right here, and you don't want to screw that up. First, you need to convince your lady that you just don't want to rip it off her right away and get down to business. Lingerie is expensive and to her seems like a waste if it just immediately ends up on the floor. Thing thing is though, you need to love what she's wearing, but not enough that she figures she can just break out this set every time you deserve a little something extra. There is always room for more lingerie in the closet. Private fashion shows are all the rage these days.
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