Loser Tries His Hand At Video Dating

I know it may be pretty hard to believe, but at one point in my life I wasn't the ultimate Casanova that I am today. I didn't have the smokin' hot girlfriend that I do now, and I found myself turning to a dating site. Let's just say, there's a reason that I post other people's videos instead of my own. I tried to make a dating video to help me meet some nice ladies, and it didn't go quite as well as I would have hoped. Thankfully, my current girlfriend has never heard of the internet, so she has no way of seeing this. I swear if one of you invites her over and shows her this I will sign you up for no fewer than 22,000 porn sites.

Here's a little breakdown of my thoughts then and now:

• "I'm single"
• No shit I was, it's a dating site.
• "I'm looking for somebody who likes to have fun."
• Really? Was there a point to this? Is anyone out there looking for someone who doesn't like fun?
• "Brunettes are somethin'. And so are redheads...or blondes."
• Not only did I name every hair color, describing something as "somethin'" was not very helpful.
• "Tall women, or short. Because height is in the eye of the beholder...if you think about it."
• No, no, no, no, no. Height is in the eye of feet and inches. A 6'5" woman is tall regardless of whether I am 5' or 7'. Man I was stupid.
• "I'm that type of guy who likes me."
• Well that was my first lie of the video. I really wasn't a big fan of myself at the time.
• "I don't need to rummage through the dumpster for a Playboy"
• Sadly, yes this did actually happen. Thankfully, I have since begun buying them on Amazon.